The Dead Senshi Sketch
by Calimetaure
Summary: [LotRSM] My first all out humor fic, totally based on Month Python's bless them all Dead Parrot Sketch. Dialogue between Legolas and Makoto.


Warnings: you will only understand this if you have ever heard or seen Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch, and if you know what Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon is.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not Sailor Moon characters, not the Dead Parrot Sketch, not the characters of LOTR, nothing.  
  
Author is not responsible for any brain damage that may occur due to extreme stupidity. Without further ado . let the show begin.  
  
The Dead Senshi Sketch  
  
[Makoto enters a shop, dragging Usagi's body behind her]  
  
Makoto: I wish to register a complaint!  
  
[The owner does not respond]  
  
Makoto: 'Ello, miss?  
  
Legolas: [turning around] Who are you calling "miss"?  
  
Makoto: . I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to register a complaint!  
  
Legolas: We're closin' for an adventure.  
  
Makoto: Never mind that, my Elf-lad. I wish to complain about this Senshi I bought not half an hour ago from this very boutique.  
  
Legolas: Oh, yes . the uh, the Senshi Pink. What's wrong with her?  
  
Makoto: I'll tell you what's wrong with her, my good Elf. . She's dead.  
  
Legolas: No, no . she's uh . she's restin'.  
  
Makoto: Look, Elfy, I know a dead Senshi when I see one. [Usagi is whomped onto the table] And I'm looking at one right now.  
  
Legolas: No, no, she's not dead. She's sleeping. Remarkable Senshi, isn't she, eh? Beautiful hair, so long and full, very powerful.  
  
Makoto: The hair don't factor into it, Elfy. She's stone dead.  
  
Legolas: No, no, no! She's just sleeping.  
  
Makoto: All right then, I'll wake her up! [Shouting into Usagi's ear] HELLO, TSUKINO USAGI! I'VE GOT A PLATE OF COOKIES FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP!!!  
  
[Legolas hits one end of the table]  
  
Legolas: See! She moved!  
  
Makoto: That was you slamming a hand on the table!  
  
Legolas: I never touched it!  
  
Makoto: Yes you did! [Yelling and hitting the table repeatedly] 'ELLO, PINKY!!! TESTING, TESTING, ONE TWO THREE!!! THIS IS YOUR FRIENDLY MORNING WAKE UP CALL! [Starts banging Usagi's head on the table. Throws her across the room and follows her with a Supreme Thunder Drangon.] Now that's what I call a dead Senshi!  
  
Legolas: She's eh . she's just stunned.  
  
Makoto: STUNNED?!  
  
Legolas: Yeah. Anyone would be stunned after being thrown across the room and electrocuted. You stunned her just as she was wakin' up, Halfling.  
  
Makoto: I am not a hobbit, thank you. Now . now look, Elfy. That Senshi is most definitely deceased, and when I purchased her less than half an hour ago from this boutique, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her being tired and shagged out from running away from a bunch of youma.  
  
Legolas: Well . eh . she's um . she's probably pining for the moon.  
  
Makoto: PINING FOR THE MOON?! What sort of talk is that?! Why did she fall flat on her face when I got her home?  
  
Legolas: She's very clumsy, probably tripped. Remarkable Senshi, isn't she? Lovely hair.  
  
Makoto: Look, Elfy. I took the liberty of examining her when I got home. Her clothes are bloody glued on!  
  
Legolas: Well of course they are. If I hadn't glued them on, she'd have ripped 'em off and gone tearing after more youma shouting 'ooga booga!'"  
  
Makoto: Ooga booga?! Elfy, this Senshi wouldn't go 'ooga booga' if you gave her uppers and a gallon of sugar-water to finish them off! She's bleedin' demised!  
  
Legolas: No, no! She's pining!  
  
Makoto: She's NOT pining! She's passed on! This Senshi is no more! She's kicked the bucket! She has ceased to be! If we drew her right now there'd be 'x's where her eyes are and her tongue sticking out! Her blood is no longer flowing, her heart is no longer beating! If she weren't here she'd be six feet under! She's expired and gone to meet her maker! She's a stiff! Her metabolic processes have come to an end! If you hadn't glued her clothes on she'd be swimming with the fish or pushing up the daisies! She's no longer in the land of the living, she's ready to be come vulture food! She's not ventilated, she's shuffled off her mortal coil, she's off the crystal, she's gone off to join the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS A LATE SENSHI!  
  
[There is a long pause]  
  
Legolas: Well, I'd better replace her, then. [He disappears behind the counter for a minute] Sorry, Halfling. I've had a look 'round back, and I haven't got any more Senshi.  
  
Makoto: Oh, I see. Yeah, I see, I get the picture.  
  
Legolas: Well, is there some way I can make it up to you?  
  
Makoto: What are you doing for lunch?  
  
Legolas: Um . nothing that can't wait. Why? Would you like to join me?  
  
Makoto: Doesn't sound like a bad idea. I think I will.  
  
[They exit the store together, arm in arm, and are about to start snogging when they meet up with the rest of the Company. The very, very angry Company.]  
  
Legolas: Well now . fancy meeting you here. I was just on my way to join you .  
  
Gandalf: Oh really? It seems as though you have your thoughts pre-occupied with something else. Or I should really say, someone.  
  
Makoto: [blushes]  
  
Legolas: Er . she was just . going to join us! Weren't you, Makoto?  
  
Makoto: Uh . yeah! Of course. You know, I never wanted to be a Senshi. I always wanted to be . in a Fellowship!  
  
THE END  
  
Soo . what do you all think? Pure stupidity, check. A few laughs, (hopefully) check. Review if you wish =^-^= 


End file.
